do you ever just wake up one day and want to start living your life again? you sit and you think hard - you start telling yourself “but I am living my life… things just take time and I am on my way” - good. I say good to people who tell themselves that.

but, are you happy?

I remember being driven home from basketball practice in grade 8. it was late in november and Shawn Mullins Lullaby song was playing on the radio. and I remember that night that I loved life. nothing crazy happened. but everything was spectacular. and it’s not that things aren’t spectacular now… it’s that I am not noticing how spectacular things are. it is almost like i’ve built my own wall. i’ve told myself that i have to act as others who act professional. i have to brush my hair and smile. i have to be conventional. i have to like others that are liked. i follow - then lead like those who i’ve followed.

mmmm.. maybe i’m always wrong. i wake up on wednesdays and want to tell everyone how amazing i’ve realized my life is. there are people i’ve met in the past 3 months who have stolen my heart. i still get that feeling. i got the chance to still get that feeling. i get to colaborate. i get to share with amazing people…. the gift of teaching. talking about teaching! teaching about teaching! complaining about stupid ass shit, singing disney songs off-beat and off-tune with the wrong words and we ain’t givin’ a fug. all because i woke up today and wanted to love the life i was living. nothing crazy happened. but everything was spectacular. today.

goodnight.

only  7 tests left this week….. jealous?

On tonight’s plate:
- g-maw’s chili.. it is so delicious
- french studyin’…. oooh french studyin’
- twilight reading? me thinks: yes

I can’t believe I only have one week left until school is over! Well… that’s not technically true, as I have three weeks of teaching ahead of me after that. BUT it’ll be bodacious! Sixteen little 10-year olds getting excited for CHRISTMAS BREAK. Me getting excited for CHRISTMAS BREAK! Thinking of what to buy everyone… even my Secret little elfster. Hmmm… I think in December I will watch Christmas movies everyday.

Oh, that just reminded me.. I need to download the ELF Soundtrack. Watched it this weekend… it was a goodie. Yes, a goodie.

Bon, puisque j’étudie pour Français je devrais peut être faire un petit poste en français aussi. Quatres jours en classe de reste et je fais ma transition d’étudiante VERS ENSEIGNANTE. Je suis excitée en masse. Aujourd’hui j’ai su que j’ai passé mon cours de compétence linguistique et je pourrais maintenant rester calme car j’ai réussi tous les critères (sauf les classes c’est sûre) pour pouvoir devenir enseignante. Wow, le 23 novembre - que tu es un beau cadeau.

Alors je vous laisse mon chers amis… je vous aimes énormément xoxo

I’m not sure if I can tell you what it is. I am not sure if I can really give you anything. I can say that you are on my mind. You’re there when there’s a shooting star- the longest one, the one that streaks across the sky. You are there when we’re going down. You are there when nothing’s there.

Do I see you when we’re on the bridge? Your hair and your hands, oh yes I do. I can lay down and die for you. I still can. I can pretend I’m understanding and that I know what’s going on. I can compete with you. I can laugh and I can cry for you. I can be a shitty Bon Jovi song for you. I can be everything for you - or I can be what I always was: some sort of screw up. A screw up that gets up; a screw up that shuts up. I’m a screw up that screws up and then tries to fix it. I’m a memory murderer. I’m a writer-downer. Oh, and sometimes I’m just a downer. I’m a shaker. I’m not forever and I remembered, again, that I’m only a tiny spec on a tiny spec of history and I’m here to keep spec’in’ around.

That’s what’s going on at the moment. Goodnight.