bicyklette.

Something is wrong...

Okay, everyone, bring your eyes to me- Thanks.

Now read this: http://www.winnipegsun.com/News/Winnipeg/2008/08/07/6371591-sun.html.

Now, I am reading a story here where “common sense” has no place. People in Kansas, from the Westboro Baptist Church, are going to come to a funeral and PROTEST. Attend funeral that isn’t even in the same country! Well, not even attend rather.. mortify those attending the funeral. Does anybody find this upsetting? A bit? Funny? Tasteless? I have no idea… okay, I understand that people do stupid things all of the time - but this kind of crosses the line.

I can’t really tell you what does, and does not, cross the line, but I’m a bit bothered! I’m not going to lie, this “fundamentalist church group” is bothering me! Some poor guy is killed (and mutilated) and is now going to have the most awkward and ruined funeral (which is all he’s got left to leave a mark). There is no reason for this!

“God is Punishing Canada”, they are preaching. Maybe he is… for sending us a bunch of retarded hicks to soil a powerful and meaningful ceremony. A funeral isn’t a joke and it isn’t a place where you get to make your mark. Shouldn’t people who attend church know this? This group is completely oxymoronic.

Fred Phelps - you should reconsider.

And your little Phelps daughter who claims that connecting dots means this:

“We’re trying to get you to see that your rebellion against the standards of God, your disobedience to the commandments — your idols, your false gods, your filthy ways have brought wrath upon your head.”

Connecting the dots means closing up a figure. It means closing something up. It means building up walls and it means limiting yourself to only that shape, that figure, that idea, that thought, that way. And that means you’ve already stopped thinking for yourself.

Tim McLean Jr., may you rest in peace.

Dicks between the lines

I am on the Viagra website. I don’t know why!! Shush-a-lush. I just find myself thinking about the risks men take to have their shlongs ERECT (in defiance of GOD {HA} -Oswalt) to sex it up.

Now here I am… “safety information”. Notice that these tips are written down twice…? Yeah, I think that’s supposed to be a question. Whoever made this site seems redundant, but no no no! Repetition WORKS. Think of teletubbies, that show made kids pay ATTENTION. So, my limp-dick Rico Suave’s: LISTEN UP:

1. Don’t take VIAGRA if you take nitrates, often prescribed for chest pain, as this may cause a sudden, unsafe drop in blood pressure.
You can have one, or the other… NOT both! Basically it’s the ultimate fight of LIFE. As us French would like to call the: UF-VIE. VIAGARA and Nitrates go head to head in the ultimate battle of life. Man needs heart to live, man needs dick to pillage women. Pillaging women is life? Men become confused? But them’s the breaks my duds.. so please scroll down and proceed with caution.

2. Discuss your general health status with your doctor to ensure that you are healthy enough to engage in sexual activity.
And if the Doctor tells you that you aren’t healthy enough, maybe you might think of why. This might not directly mean you haven’t done it in awhile, but one can only assume that if you aren’t healthy enough to have it now… it’s been quite some time since you’ve gotten a little… “tenderness”. And if it’s been that long, then your sleepie-johnston is the least of your problems, babe. One step at a time.

3. If you experience chest pain, nausea, or any other discomforts during sex, seek immediate medical help.
Please and thank you. Post Script: This has nothing to do with VIAGRA, we just thought we’d throw that one out there.

4. As with any ED tablet, in the rare event of an erection lasting more than 4 hours, seek immediate medical help to avoid long-term injury.
Up high, safety-crew! SAFETY FIRST, I usually say! Little children can poke an eye out! Now yes, children can be rough playing swords and doing backflips off of the couch, but to save them the EMBARASSMENT of being bullied on the schoolyard for having their eye poked out by your medically enduced staff.. KUDOS safety team, kudos.

5. If you are older than age 65, or have serious liver or kidney problems, your doctor may start you at the lowest dose (25 mg) of VIAGRA
But look on the bright side, you’re 65.. and having SEX!

6. If you are taking protease inhibitors, such as for the treatment of HIV, your doctor may recommend a 25-mg dose and may limit you to a maximum single dose of 25 mg of VIAGRA in a 48-hour period.
But this is just them being nice (because they have to).. you dirty, dirty whore.

7. In rare instances, men taking PDE5 inhibitors (oral erectile dysfunction medicines, including VIAGRA) reported a sudden decrease or loss of vision.
But, boys, think about it! This means all those women that you’ve been avoiding your entire life.. the ones with “great personalities”, might start coming around! This could be good for you! Bad sad: no more MacGiver.

8. Sudden decrease or loss of hearing has been rarely reported in people taking PDE5 inhibitors, including VIAGRA.
This is a plus for those happily married men.. because you cannot get in trouble for not paying attention and… well you’ll never hear if you’re being nagged at. Eeehhhh.

9. The most common side effects of VIAGRA are headache, facial flushing, and upset stomach. Less commonly, bluish vision, blurred vision, or sensitivity to light may briefly occur.
So basically, VIAGRA turns you into an everyday irritatable-vampire-tomato! But you know what they say… tomato-tomaahto!

Well, I hope you’ve all learned a little something. I know I have.
TOTAL LOVE.